There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
