Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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