I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
