There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
