Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
