I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
