she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
