got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who died my cat blue again?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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