Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
