My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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