so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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