ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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