If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
