Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
