You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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