For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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