I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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