I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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