The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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