he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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