in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
