Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
