i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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