we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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