Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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