how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
