Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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