she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's the barista slut.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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