If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
