why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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