Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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