what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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