no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize