My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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