You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My ATM looks so different sober.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
