What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
