We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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