Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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