just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize