There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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