Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
