We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
