To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
