She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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