Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
