I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
