I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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