Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
