he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize