At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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