I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dick very happy bro
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
