my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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