Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
