You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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