legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
