so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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