Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
