just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
